How to Become an Annoying Little Sister

Just know, you were born second of two children. Forget the saying: "third time's a charm"; for the second time must be a full improvement. Live believing that as the truth. Rub it in her face as often as you can. It definitely won't bother her. And when it does get on her nerves... hit the ground as hard as you can handle, no matter what the surface may be. It’s okay if people are staring, they are embracing your over dramatic talent. Exaggerate those cries from pain, you know it actually hurt deep down inside. Before you run to Mommy or Daddy, make sure to pinch, slap and compress the bare skin until the irritation is undeniably red. Rule of thumb: the redder the mark, the crueler the punishment. When she disputes these accusations, fight forth with merciless tears.
Never, ever, ever take NO for an answer. When she shouts “keep out” from her side of the unlocked doorway, she actually means “come in.” So the sneaker she just chucked at you upon your entry is her polite way of saying “welcome.”
Since she does not mind, she is going to leave her diary out for your reading convenience. So if its key is still located at the back of her sock drawer, you will then know that she is hoping for you to go ahead and pick the lock. Do not forget the tormenting “na na na na na na” when you run around the house, firmly gripping her book of top secret confessions. Only threaten to reveal her hidden crush on Billy from math class, which not one soul knows about, in front of her friends. Now that you think about it, why not in front of any company that may happen to be over that afternoon.
Keep in mind that her long, wavy hair is meant to be yanked out by the handful. But always keep yours in a tightly pulled up, formal bun. Remember that any payback she has ever plotted should be revenged with twice the viciousness. Innocently smile with any victory. That will get her worse than anything.
It is in fact a free country, so feel liberal enough to chime in on any of her phone conversations. When you are interrupting a-once-in-a-lifetime chat with the cutest boy in class, Daddy will award you bonus points. Go on her AOL screen name, and indulge. Instant message her whole buddy list, just because you are practicing your typing skills. Nobody is stopping you.
Giggle like the hyena that you are. This surely intensifies the pounding anger in her head. It intensifies billowing smoke coming from both of her ears.
Your overt role is to always play the victim. But when she is feeling nice, play nice back. Maybe even nicer. But try not to exceed five minutes. Your covert role is to love her unconditionally, and more so considering all that you put her through. Your childhood goal is to be that annoying little sister.